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Employee Reviews: Template or Wing it?

It’s that time of year again, folks! Time for the annual employee performance review. The highlight of every worker bee’s calendar, I’m sure. But why bother with all the hassle of creating a structured evaluation process? Why not just wing it like a boss and improvise on the spot?

Well, as much as we’d love to trust our instincts and go with the flow, it turns out that having a standardized review template has some pretty significant benefits. For starters, it helps ensure that all employees are evaluated fairly and consistently. It also provides a clear framework for discussing job performance and setting goals for the future.

But let’s be real, nobody wants to spend hours pouring over boring HR documents and creating tedious templates. That’s why we’ve got you covered with a few snarky and sarcastic employee review templates to make the process a little less painful.

First up, we have the classic “Sandwich Method” template. Start with a compliment, add a constructive criticism, and finish with another compliment. It’s like a pat on the back with a kick in the pants. A real crowd-pleaser!


“Great job on hitting your sales targets this quarter, [employee name]. However, I noticed that you tend to be a bit tardy for meetings. Let’s work on being punctual moving forward. And hey, that killer presentation you gave last week was truly outstanding.”

Next, we have the “Good Cop, Bad Cop” template. Assign one reviewer to play the role of the nice guy, and the other to play the bad cop. It’s like a game of good cop, bad cop, except it’s not a game and your job is on the line.


Good Cop: “I really appreciate all the hard work you put into that project, [employee name]. Your attention to detail was spot on.”

Bad Cop: “But let’s talk about that attitude you displayed during the team meeting. We expect all employees to maintain a professional demeanor at all times.”

Finally, we have the “Devil’s Advocate” template. This one is for the boss who wants to play devil’s advocate and challenge the employee on every point. It’s like a game of chess, except the stakes are higher and the prize is a pay raise (or not).


“I see that you’ve received high marks from your team for your communication skills, [employee name]. However, I personally have some concerns about your ability to effectively communicate with senior management.”

In conclusion, while it may seem like a waste of time, creating structured employee review templates can actually be a valuable tool in the performance evaluation process. And who knows, maybe with these snarky and sarcastic templates, the process won’t be so bad after all. Happy reviewing!

Amit Desai

Marketing & communications professional with 25+ years of experience in product development and marketing, growth hacking, strategic marketing, consumer insight, brand & product strategy, interactive & digital marketing, creative development, public relations, media planning & buying, direct-marketing - across top FMCG / Consumer Durables / Retail and Financial Services Categories and Brands.

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